Lost and Found

So its been a few days since my personal favorite television show, Lost, ended its six-year long run, and the internet has been on fire since that fateful day. The buzz has been mixed, drifting from loving how it ended to hating how it ended, and various theories ranging from what happened in the finale to what happened during the entire show. So I decided to toss my hat into the mix and offer my view on the show, and what may you ask makes my opinion any different than everyone else? Not a damn thing, but thats the beauty of the internet.

First off, this is spoiler filled so if you haven't seen the finale... what the fuck is wrong with you?

But basically, Jack sacrificed himself to save the island, perhaps the world, killed the Man in Black/Smoke Monster/Locke; Hurley is now the new guardian of the island with Ben serving as his second in command; and the rest of the Losties got away on a plane. The big reveal though was that the "flash sideways", long theorized to be an alternate island-less universe, was really a sort of afterlife, and this is the main point of debate among viewers.

Many people guessed that because it was revealed that they were all dead that it meant that the cast was really dead the whole time. I'm pretty sure this is a case of overzealous fans just jumping the gun as soon as they heard Jack's dad say "You're all dead" but if you listened to the dialogue in the scene you realize that the island stuff really did happen.

In the final scene at the church, Jack's dad tells Jack that he is indeed dead and so are everyone in the church. But Jack's dad also tells him that the time spent on the island was the most important part of his life and that all of the castaways needed each other then just as they need each other now in this purgatory (I'll just use purgatory for sake of argument). Jack's dad also says that some of them died before him, and some long after.

So, we can infer that yes, the island stuff was all reality. At various points throughout life, the castaways did die (as we all do) and met up in purgatory. Now purgatory is not exactly a bad place, but a place where you go to prepare yourself for heaven, the place where you let go of your unresolved issues in life and move on to paradise. And as we saw throughout this season in each castaways respective purgatories, they still had plenty of issues. Sayeed was still hung up on his lost love, Sawyer still wanted to find the con man responsible for his parent's downfall, and Jack still had daddy issues. As each castaway came together in this world they slowly remembered their life on the island and how they each had in some way conquered their demons. As they remembered and acknowledged their lives on our plane of existence, they were ready to move on. And much like Jack was the last one to embrace his destiny in life, so he was the last one to do so in death. But at last the castaways reunited and Jack's dad opened the church doors filling it with light, presumably the after life.

Now many people have also pointed out the shot during the credits of the plane wreckage as a clue that the castaways really were dead the entire time, and for a bit I thought it was a valid argument seeing how I couldn't really figure out the importance of this shot either. But I read a recent article that brought up a very good point about that shot. In short, if you look at it you can see signs of the survivors, foot prints, towels, etc. I think the shot was just thrown in to symbolize that our band of castaways were just the latest in a long line of unfortunate souls to come aross the island. From the slavers on The Black Rock to the crashed plane full of drugs to Oceanic Flight 815, people have been crashing on this island for a while. The characters in this show were not the first on the island and nor will they be the last and I think that final shot was just a reminder of that.

And as for this damn island, what the hell is it? People are complaining that we didn't get enough answers or that the answers were too vague. After the finale I thought about the show and what lead up to this point and I'm fairly certain there were answers in the show, they just didn't pop out in your face. If you watch the show the dots are there, you just gotta connect them. Needless to say I can't wait for the boxed set of the series because I'm going to be re-watching it beginning to end, and I'm sure things will be a lot clearer. Many details are still fuzzy but I've peaced together some clues and I'm sure I'll find more as I go.

First off, what is the island? We know that at its heart lies some light, a light that if extinguished will somehow end all we love. Some people have theorized that the light was the same light that the main characters became part of in the final moments of the show, that basically Jack gave his life to save heaven. Now I must admit that this is a sound theory but I'm not sold on it yet, and to be honest I'm not sure if I know what the light is yet. From what I can gather, the island and the light are the source of all life as we know it, and that this island has probably been around since the beginning of time and someone has been on it from that point to guard the light. The light is the source of the island's healing properties, Jacob and Richard's agelessness, and the electromagnetic energy that the Dharma Initiative wanted so badly.

We can also gather that whoever is the guardian of the light sets the "rules" of the island and everyone on the island must follow them. Thats why no one could leave the island and why the Man in Black and Jacob couldn't kill each other, among other rules.

Another lingering question is the others and the Dharma Initiative. Once again by listening to dialogue and watching closely, you can figure these out. Jacob said he was always bringing people to the island to show the man in black that people are capable of good, and I'm guessing the ones that he was pleased with he kept around as his crew, so to say. Jacob's priority was protecting the island and keeping the Man in Black from leaving, so he had to do whatever it took to do so. Then comes the Dharma Initiative, who for whatever reason has learned about the island and wants to exploit it, and Jacob sent his men to stop them, hence why Dharma was always referring to them as "hostiles". All throughout the show The Others referred to themselves as the good guys, and basically they were, though their methods were questionable (mass murder and kidnapping among them).

The lists of people The Others were sent to kidnap were obviously candidates for Jacob's position, though one thing I'm still working on is the kids. The Other's kidnapped the children first and revealed that pregnant women died on the island. I guessed that The Others wanted the kids as possible candidates as well but the pregnancy issue is one that still bothers me. I'm something will come along that will make it all click but for now this is one of many loose ends.

But ultimately, I'm glad Lost left plenty open. It was established that this island, whatever it is, is something far more important than the people on it and I like the air of mystery it gave it. I was really hoping that the series finale wouldn't go with a cheap way out and have some character pop up and explain everything (something I feared Jack's dad would do in the final moments) but thankfully they didn't and left it up to you to decide, which has been the fun of the show. For six years everyone's favorite conversation topics have been Lost theories, each person has their own idea of what the island is, and lets face it, no explanation would have lived up to what each of us had imagined it would be. The show runners made a smart and risky move by making the island what we want it to be, either the source of all life, the doorway to heaven, etc. Much like the past six years, each fan now has his or her own idea of what really transpired these past six years, and I think thats the charm and beauty of this show. We can keep obsessing, prodding, and poking, and people will for years to come. All of this fandom really just defies one of the central themes of the show, which is to just let go and move on. Much like our castaways in purgatory, we have to accept the island for what it is, acknowledge what we learned from it, and move on to bigger and better things.

http://screenrant.com/lost-finale-explanation-kofi-61464/

Dragonball Evolution Review

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WTF IS THIS SHIT? WHAT THE FUCK DOES EVOLUTION HAVE TO DO WITH THE PLOT OF THIS FUCKING MOVIE! SPEAKING OF WHICH WHAT THE HELL IS THE PLOT OF THIS DAMN MOVIE! WHY DO THEY NEED THE DRAGONBALLS? BOTH SIDES CLEARLY ACCOMPLISHED THEIR RESPECTIVE GOALS WITHOUT THEM? PICCOLO UNLEASHED HIS MONKEY FRIEND WITHOUT THE DRAGONBALLS AND GOKU DEFEATED HIM WITHOUT THE DRAGONBALLS SO WHY SEARCH FOR THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE? AND HOW DID PICCOLO ESCAPE FROM HIS PRISON? WE'RE TOLD THAT HE WAS LOCKED AWAY IN THE EARTH FROM THE VERY BEGINNING BUT WHEN WE NEXT SEE HIM HE'S ON SOME SPACE SHIP WITH SOME NAMELESS HOT CHICK! AND WHO IS HIS HOT SIDEKICK AND WHY DOES SHE SUCK SO MUCH? WHERE DOES THIS TAKE PLACE? JAPAN? AMERICA? THE FUTURE? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS? WHY DOES PICCOLO WAIT UNTIL NOW TO ATTACK? WHY IS GOKU A MONKEY THING? WHERE HAS THE MONKEY THING BEEN FOR 2000 YEARS AND WHY DOES IT BECOME GOKU? WHY IS IT THAT THE MOVE THAT IS SUPPOSEDLY SO HARD TO LEARN TAKES LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES TO LEARN? WHT DOES BULMA WANT TO CASH IN ON THE DRAGON BALLS WHEN SHE CREATED A CAR THAT CAN FOLD UP AND GO IN HER FUCKING POCKET! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

ERNIE HUDSON WHY ARE YOU IN THIS? YOU'RE TOO COOL FOR THIS MOVIE? DO YOU NEED A PAYCHECK THAT BADLY? WAIT ERNIE, DON'T GO! I NEED YOU! ERNIE, COME BACK! NOOOO! WHERE DID HE GO! WHY WAS HE IN IT FOR ONLY TEN SECONDS! DAMN YOU ERNIE HUDSON! WAS IT WORTH SELLING YOUR SOUL ERNIE! WAS IT WORTH IT? YOU COULDN'T WAIT JUST A LITTLE LONGER FOR GHOSTBUSTERS 3 COULD YOU?

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.

The Human Centipede Review

Well a friend of mine asked me if I could review this movie and though I was eager to do so, sadly this film wasn't screening anywhere in the Pittsburgh area so I figured I would have to wait for DVD for it. But thanks to the modern marvels of the internet (piracy) some friends and I were able to watch it last night.

Now when I first heard about this movie, I looked it up because I thought it was a monster movie and who doesn't love a good monster movie? Then as I read a review on it I found myself intrigued because the story sounded so disturbing. I also found myself wondering how someone could drag a story about three people sewn together ass to mouth to a full movie. So yeah, our curiosity and impatience got the better of us and we downloaded it and it was so... boring.

The film opens on stock female characters 1 and 2 as they are going on. Of course its on a dark and stormy night and their car breaks down. They first attempt to solicit help from an old perv who hits on them in the most hilarious manner I have ever seen ( "I have a horny video, would you girls like to watch it with me?") so then of course they make their way through the woods to a creepy house where inside they find a creepy doctor. Soon they find themselves drugged and strapped to beds in the basement with another guy whom the doctor soon kills because he isn't suitable for the doc's "experiments". Later the doctor returns with a replacement: the token Asian who's every line of dialogue is pure solid gold ("Japanese have great strength when backed into a corner!"). The doctor explains that he is going to sew these three people ass to mouth making some twisted form of triplet. Hilarity ensues.

So yeah, after reading this you would expect something very sick, twisted, and hard to watch. And so was I. I was really expecting to be majorly grossed out by this movie, and with a plot like the one it has, you really should. I had heard descriptions of the scene when the guy at the front of the centipede has to shit and it made me not want to watch it, in fact I lost my appetite (something that rarely happens). But then the centipede was created and the movie kinda peaked. The shit scene mentioned above is nowhere near as disgusting and repulsive as it should be, and the rest of the movie is more or less the doctor training the centipede to walk, which is really nothing interesting. There is some intensity towards the end, but when its all said and done it just feels like a run of the mill thriller.

I was really expecting something on the level of Audition, something disturbing that sticks with you long after its finished, but this movie is really nothing more than an exploitation movie depending on the novelty of the story to keep it going. The centipede is created about halfway through and you can tell the movie doesn't know what to do with itself until the climatic scene.

Another big obvious complaint is why the hell does the doctor want to do this anyway other than he is just bat-shit crazy! Its established that he was a very prestigious surgeon so what drove him to want to sew people together? I think this movie was depending on the "pure evil needs no motivation" excuse, but for something like this we need some background. No motivation works for a character like Michael Myers because that's what makes him scary, but not for a creepy German doctor.

And you can also probably tell just from my short synopsis, but this movie isn't very subtle either. From breaking down on the dark and stormy road to the mad scientist, this is about as in your face as it can get. Though the dude playing the scientist is appropriately creepy, his performance is still of the "mustache twirling" variety. I would surely never ask this man for help nor step into his house, but in the world of bad horror movies, people do. Also, the characters in this movie are that special kind of horror movie dumb. The whole time you're questioning why these girls are not running from this man and then later police show up at his place and you question why they aren't arresting him. Logic isn't at an all time high in this movie as well, but did you really expect it from a movie called The Human Centipede?

So yeah, I guess this was just a classic case of being over hyped. From all the reviews and buzz this movie was getting I was expecting something far more than just a run of the mill B-movie. Its sad too because this really could have been something far more seeing how the story had everything there for it. As I said before I lost my appetite just imagining what one scene could be like only to find it to be quite boring when I watched the movie. So if you're looking for a cheap thrill, Human Centipede is your movie, but it doesn't live up to the potential it could have had.

Halloween II Review

Well better late than never. This movie came out last August but frankly I had no interest in seeing it because I wrote it off as another shallow sequel, and if I wouldn't have gotten bored and Netflixed it then I still probably wouldn't have seen it. But after watching it not an hour ago I felt I had to share my opinion with the world (or all four or five people who read this blog).

At first I was totally against Rob Zombie's Halloween remake but after seeing it I had to respect it. Its far from the masterpiece that the original film is but Zombie made it clear that he never sought to surpass the original but instead do a different take on the character, which he did well. I gave it points because unlike other remakes it really tried to give us something new, and for the most part its pretty enjoyable. Much like he did with the first film, Zombie once again tries to give us something new with this sequel, and boy did he succeed.

I can see why purists hated this so much, mostly because the Michael Myers in this bare little to no resemblance to the Michael Myers we all know and love. Gone is the silent killer that patiently waits for his moment to kill you and then slink back into the shadows, instead Myers will simply stomped your head into jelly and then smash a strippers face into a mirror all the while grunting like an animal. The iconic mask is in this one but he spends more time mask-less and looking like a homicidal Santa Claus, hell Myers even talks! (one word but it was still quite a moment).

This film follows Laurie Strode after the events of the first film, now posing as an angry emo child to cover up the nightmares and delusions she's been having ever since the fateful attack two years prior. Meanwhile Doctor Loomis is cashing in on Myers, writing yet another book about him and letting the fame get to his head. And Michael is off doing whatever Michael does when he isn't killing people, but soon the ghost of his mother spurs him back into action. Hilarity ensues.

This sequel really should have been called Rob Zombies Halloween because as stated above he really just takes the character of Michael Myers and takes him into a whole new world. The killings in this are fast and brutal and like past Rob Zombie movies there is plenty of boobs, blood, and rednecks to go around. But despite the massive changes made to one of the true icons of horror... I kinda liked it.

Horror films have been one of the most popular genres since the beginning of film simply because they're fun, and I had fun during this movie. Zombie knows how to film brutality but not go over the top, never is the film hard to watch but you do cringe at some of the killings. Zombie also knows how to get you behind his characters, especially the self destructing Laurie, the slimy Dr. Loomis, and strangely sympathetic Michael.

Michael is probably the most fascinating part of this movie and the one character I wanted more of. The first film was very much Michael's story and Zombie tries to make this one Laurie's story, but she really isn't that interesting. We get early on that she's fucked up after the first film and her descent into madness is interesting but its really a peek into Michael's head we want. Now Michael does get plenty of moments in this but I wanted more but because I was really digging the fucked up abused child Michael Myers, but for the most part he kinda just follows his mother's ghost around. Doctor Loomis is another character completely different from the original films and while I did enjoy the fame seeking Loomis, his subplot is the least fascinating one and also has the least to do with the story.

So yeah, its not a perfect movie, in fact far from it. There's still the ever present horror movie cliches like the doomed couple having sex and the stock characters whose only purpose is to die. Laurie's descent into insanity needed some more developement, I bought it but at the same time it seemed rushed, and I think Malcolm McDowell's Doctor Loomis was just there to add credibility. But I respected it because in an age when remakes simply just take a classic and get hacks to redo it with little or no imagination, Rob Zombie tried to give us something new. I really didn't know what was going to happen next because this Michael Myers is so different, and I found that fun. The intensity is high in several scenes and I found myself caring for a lot of the characters, so I was invested.

So it wasn't ground breaking or anything and I can understand why purists hated it, but if you just look at it as a fresh look at a classic character than you gotta respect it. Zombie won't be winning any awards as a director anytime soon but you can tell he's improving with every film and I'm definitely curious to see what he has up his sleeve for the future.

Iron Man 2 Review

Well one of my most anticipated movies of the year has hit. After creating one of the best comic book movies of all time with the first Iron Man film, Marvel was faced with the daunting task of seeing if lightning could strike twice with this sequel and gathered an all star cast to rival that of the first film. I was there at midnight for this with my nerd flag flying high and much like the first film I had multiple nerdgasms over the course of this one, but something seemed a little off.

I'm not saying Iron Man 2 is bad, in fact far from it. I'm already dreading the fanboy backlash though seeing how nowadays if a superhero isn't amazing than it automatically "sucks". But in this case we still have a very well done film and I'm sure that when you compare it to other inferior superhero sequels like Transformers 2, Spider-Man 3, and X-Men: The Last Stand you will see that it is far beyond those movies, but sadly this film just couldn't recapture the charm of the first one.

I'm not sure what it was about the first film, maybe it was due to most of the film being improvised that gave it a frenzied, fun feel, or maybe the real world but comedic take on an already established character. Whatever your reasons, the first Iron Man was a surprise to fans and general audiences alike, and while this sequel comes close in parts, it sadly loses the charm that made the first one great.

The first flaw with Iron Man 2 is that it just seems like it runs way to long. I think it ran over two hours but it seemed longer, especially during the second act. Many scenes go on for far too long and we can tell that the writers got far too involved with the witty banter than actually advancing the story and many other scenes could have been cut entirely without hurting the film at all. The beginning and ending are both fairly solid but in the middle when all of the multiple subplots are in full swing is when we start to lose interest, thankfully the powerhouse performances keep us watching.

This sequel also suffers from another common problem: subplotitis, when the filmmakers decide to throw everything they can in the damn movie. I will hand it to Iron Man 2 because it managed to juggle the multiple storylines much better than other super-sequels (*ahem* Spider-Man 3) but once again, some trimming could have easily uncluttered the story. In one movie we have Tony Stark learning that he's dying of blood poisoning from the very thing keeping him alive, Nick Fury trying to recruit Stark for the Avengers, the government trying to get Stark to turn over the Iron Man suit, Whiplash wanting revenge on Stark, competitor to Stark Justin Hammer trying to make his own Iron Man suit, Rhodes becoming War Machine, and a love triangle between Stark, Pepper Potts, and The Black Widow. Whew.

While most of these subplots are weaved together well enough, the one about Stark dying really could have been cut out entirely seeing its a subject that really needs a whole movie to explore (not to mention that it is very abruptly resolved) and the Stark vs. The Government is a far more fascinating plot angle. Nick Fury's scenes are all fun but really just serve as a build up to an Avengers movie by setting up and hinting at possible plot elements and characters ( I was digging the Easter Eggs though, the nerd in me out did the film critic).

Much like the first movie, the acting in this is superb. Robert Downey Jr. once again shows the charm and sense of humor that made him a superstar with the first one, and manages to not get drowned out by the many characters running around this movie. Mickey Rourke gives possibly the second best performance in this with what really was a two dimensional villain role. Rourke takes badass to a new level with Whiplash and gets the film's best scene when he tries to kill Stark on a race track, and he also nails the Russian accent too (a friend of mine actually remarked that he forgot Rourke was really American). My future wife Scarlett Johanssen is possibly the most badass woman alive after being in this movie and she also gets one of the best action sequences in it as well, badass enough for me to forgive her not having a Russian accent. Sam Rockwell was a scene stealer as always and Don Cheadle brought more cred to the role of War Machine that Terence Howard ever could.

So yeah, it doesn't quite reach the levels that the first film did, but Iron Man 2 is by no means a bad movie. Its really just an entertaining popcorn flick at heart, but with a little editing could have been much more. I still enjoyed the quips, the action, and the geek moments (the after credit scene made me have to change pants) but it just seems like a continuation of the first film instead of something fresh and new. While it doesn't reach Dark Knight levels of awesome, it hits far above Spider-Man 3 and other inferior sequels.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Review

Well yet again Michael Bay has gotten his hands on a beloved, classic, and iconic horror franchise and has decided to remake it for today's generation, and the final verdict is...

Eh.

To start off I wanna say how big of a fan I am of the original, Wes Craven created a killer with one of the most unique gimmicks in horror movie history and created one of the best villains of all time in the form of Freddy Krueger. Sadly, like most horror franchises sub-par sequels turned Freddy into a one note boogy man, a wise cracking bad guy that went from brutally stalking and slashing his prey to locking them inside a video game to kill them. So when it was announced that the Freddy in the remake would go back to his roots I became very optimistic. But I always said it wall hinged on who they cast as Freddy and getting former Rorschach Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy was damn near perfect casting.

Sadly perfect casting can only go so far.

Much like Bay's previous remakes, this Nightmare was just too damn cookie cutter. None of the scares were really all that scary or original and for the most part the film relied on violence and jump scares to get the feel across. The film does a good job of keeping Freddy in the shadows and making him a villain we hate and fear, but Freddy is the only thing about the film done well.

As I stated in a previous blog, one of Wes Craven's strengths as a writer/director was that he got you behind his main characters, you liked his heroes and hated his villains. In this one none of th e characters are really all that interesting or likable. We Chris, who is upset that her boyfriend is having nightmares and ignoring her, then we have Chris' ex-boyfriend who is upset that Chris isn't with him, then we Nancy and the emo kid who as crush on her, who are both upset because.... they're emo?

But yeah, all of the characters are really flat and just kinda mope through the movie. And as for the acting, well its like the rest of the movie: eh. I don't know who the actress was that played Nancy and I won't make an effort to because I really didn't care for her at all. Nancy just looks bored the entire movie; even when she meets Freddy for the first time she looks bored to death! I would be a little concerned if a scarred man with claws came after me but oh well.

Jackie Earle Haley dominates in this movie as always, he keeps Freddy's sardonic humor but injects it with much more menace. He also shines in the flashback sequences and really gets you to feel for the guy and think that maybe Freddy was innocent after all ( a major mystery of the film). Haley definitely worked overtime to make up for the rest of the lackluster cast (except for a underused Clancy Brown) but sadly one extremely talented actor can't make up for a film full of sleep walkers.

But yeah Elm Street isn't as terrible as people have been making it out to be,but it isn't good. Sadly most modern horror films seem to be like this, all style and no substance. As far as remakes go, Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre were fun in a fast food kind of way, but it seems like they didn't even try with this one, which is sad because this could have been something truly special. I would hope that after this Hollywood would leave the remake craze alone but since it made money in its first weekend I seriously doubt it.