It Begins!!!!

Here I am! Alive and well! It's been a while since my last post, I've kinda busy working and working on other projects and such so I kinda forgot about my little blog here, but then something happened earlier today that I felt I had to say something about. The internet has been on fire since the announcement came, everyone and their mother giving their two-cents on it. I was going to wait until the craziness calmed down, and also to see if the news was true and not just internet rumor run rampart (and I can see that happening and making us all look like fools). But alas, I couldn't restrain myself anymore.

As you all know, it was announced today that Tom Hardy (Inception, RocknRolla, Star Trek: First Contact) has joined the cast of the next, untitled Batman film. Is he playing a villain? Hero? Batman? Cop? Well I'm leaning towards the villain side of the coin. Hardy was the break out star of Inception, and movie projects began lining up for almost immediately after the film opened. Most notably, Hardy was set to take over the Mad Max role, the same role that made Mel Gibson a star, but budget problems stalled that project. Being a talented and in demand young actor, I can't see Hardy playing a bland supporting role, and a villain in a major comic book movie would set him up for the big time.

Hell look at Heath Ledger, no one remembers this but it wasn't long before TDK that his career was in a bit of a slump after a string of flops, then Brokeback Mountain earned him a Oscar nod and shot him back onto the A-list. After that Ledger scored the Joker role and many were predicting that would keep him a spot at the top of Hollywood for many years to come. If Heath wouldn't have tragically passed, we would probably see many, many big budget movies being carried solely by him. But I digress, what I'm merely trying to say is that Hardy is in Heath Ledger's position, a golden ticket to the top.

Now, seeing how Hardy will be playing a villain, the next question is which one? Nolan is a notoriously secretive filmmaker and I'm sure that if he had his way we wouldn't know who Hardy is playing until we go to see the movie in July of 2012. Hell, we could find out who he plays tomorrow, we could find out six months from now. I'm predicting that we'll soon get an official announcement about it from Warner Brothers, confirming which character Hardy is playing as well as the official title of the film.

As for my prediction, I'm going with the majority of the 'net who are predicting Hardy will play the Riddler. The Riddler's name has been flying around the web since the closing credits of TDK and is a villain that fits perfectly into Nolan's bat-verse. Nolan has leaned towards the more realistic side of Batman's rogue's gallery and seems a natural fit to follow Heath Ledger's Jokers.

Now I'll be honest, of all of Batman's villains, Riddler is one of my least favorites. I don't find him threatening or interesting and he always seemed like a Joker rip-off to me, especially since the Joker kinda touched on the twisted puzzles a bit in TDK. But I also have faith in Nolan as a filmmaker and think he could make Riddler a good villain, especially if he follows the recent comics which see Riddler as a P.I. competing with Batman.

But my personal choice for a villain for Batman 3 has been one I've been championing since the end of TDK: Black Mask. We haven't seen Black Mask in a movie yet and I personally want to see a new villain in this next Bat-film. In the realistic Nolan Bat-world, Black Mask could fit in effortlessly as the ruthless mob boss to take over crime after the events of TDK, and who else to be his muscle than Bane? Bane is another great Bat-villain that got the short stick from Hollywood and deserves to get a chance to show how imposing of a villain he can be.

Anywho, I can totally see Hardy bringing a bit of sadistic charm to Black Mask, but I can also see him bulking up and being the calculating and brutal Bane. Both men can naturally fit into the movie Bat world but realistically I think the bloggers are going to end up being right with their predictions of Riddler and Catwoman.

But then again, Nolan has always proven to be a filmmaker that goes against expectations. As much as we all looked forward to another appearance from the Joker, none of us saw what Nolan was going to do with the character, hell when fans first learned that Joker would wear makeup and not be naturally ugly they cried war. But Nolan more than made up for it, and I'm whichever villain we get, whichever story we get, we're all in for a treat.

Ten Great Comic Book Heroes Ruined by Hollywood

A few months ago I posted a blog looking at some of the great villains we know and love so much that were butchered by the powers that be in Hollywood. Well I promised this a while ago and now here's the reverse, a look at ten great heroes ruined by the Hollywood machine.

10. Spawn

Spawn rose to popularity in the 90's as a dark, violent, anti-hero much like Batman except Spawn had no problems with killing people in violent ways. Now granted I haven't read as much of the comics as I would like to but I'm pretty sure they're no where near as silly as the movie. The story, acting, and effects are all plain silly. The creators have been trying to revive this franchise for years and do it the right way but as is the case with most of the heroes on this list, this movie just left such a bad taste in everyone's mouth that no one will touch it.



9. Steel

For some reason, DC loves to give their movies to the supporting players of their comic book universe and not the main heroes (see Catwoman) and Steel is no exception. In the comics, Steel was a genius who left developing military weapons to be a construction worker, and then had his life saved by Superman. After Superman's death, the construction worker created his own suit of armor as a tribute to Superman and sought to continue his legacy. Steel became a very popular side character in the Superman world and Warner Brothers decided to give him his own movie starring none other than Shaquille O'Neil.

Gone is any reference to Superman and we get Shack lumbering around in the most ridiculous, least practical costume ever. He's like a less cool Iron Man/Batman but without any pathos and a silly script to go on.



8. The League of Extraordinary Gentleman

When you read Alan Moore's The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, you can feel the extreme respect Moore had for the classic works of literature that inspired his amazing comic. All of the classic books are put into a timeline, each character made faithful, and the level of fun high. Moore also pulled a good move by having a woman, Mina Murry, be the leader of the team and responsible for keeping the unstable league together. Add in a fun plot involving the League being pawns in a war between Professor Moriarty and Fu Manchu (nicknamed The Doctor because of copyright reasons) and you have a classic and unique comic.

The movie loses all of this, all of the compelling character flaws that made the team so interesting are wiped away. Instead of a homicidal Mr. Hyde, we get a neutered, watered down hulk wannabe; The Invisible Man is the stereotypical "rogue" character; and Alan Quartermain is changed from the opium addict looking for redemption to the main hero of the film. Moriarty is still the villain, but all backstory is taken away leaving anyone who hasn't read the comic lost. Its sad that Sean Connery chose to retire after this movie (reportedly because of the on set problems) because the man truly had a great career and deserves to cap it off with a good movie.



7. Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider has always been a character with a lot of potential. He has a cool look, a cool back story, and combines horror and comics quite easily. For years Hollywood tried to get a movie off the ground and finally succeeded when Nicholas Cage came aboard, which should have been the first sign of trouble. Gone is the horror and grittiness that made the character appealing and we get something that's about on the same level as the Batman series from the 60's. Add in another epically bad Nick Cage hair piece and the most dramatic finger pointing ever seen on screen and you have one of the silliest comic movies ever.




6. Captain America

Captain America has long been one of Marvel's most iconic and popular characters, so naturally they chose to give him a ultra low budget, straight to video movie. For the most part his costume is on the spot except for the RUBBER EARS on the outside of the costume. I don't know why the actor couldn't have his real ears stick out of the costume, or just not have the ears stick out. But no, we get rubber ears that distract you the entire movie.

Not to mention that the Captain America in this movie is not the hero we all know and love, instead he spends the whole movie getting his ass kicked and stealing people's cars. The American hero ladies and gentleman!



5. The Punisher

This man has been handed the short stick by Hollywood not once, not twice, but three times. Much like Captain America, Marvel chose to give Punisher a low budget, straight to video movie starring Dolph "I must break you" Lundgren. For a film that could have been amazingly bad ass, we get something that's extremely boring, and Lundgren's non-performance as The Punisher doesn't help.

The second time around, we got a moderately budgeted version starring Thomas Jane. Now many people hate this version, but I must admit I'm one of the few fans this movie has, though I will admit it has its flaws. It lacks the action and grittiness that makes The Punisher what he is, and The Punisher's revenge plan is far too complicated for a character that prides himself on simplicity. But of all Punisher movies, this one is the most solidly made and most enjoyable.

Finally, we got Punisher: Warzone, which makes up for the lack of action but replaces it with pure silliness. Nothing in this movie is comprehensible, the performances are all non-existent, and I think the title character gets the least amount of screen time out of all the characters. Hopefully someday Hollywood will get Punisher, one of the simplest comic book characters, right.



4. Robin

Robin has long been mistreated by anyone outside of comics, often seen as an annoying sidekick and at one time accused of being Batman's gay lover. In the comics, Robin is the human side of Batman, the side that keeps him from going over the edge into the very darkness he fights. In Batman Forever, we are given a new type of Robin. The whole movie all Robin does is bitch and whine to Batman and use kung-fu to hang up laundry. Towards the end of the movie it seems like Robin has finally grown a pair and dons a costume (nipples included) to help Batman fight the bad guys... only to get captured.

Then Batman and Robin happened...



3. The Hulk

The Hulk is another hero that is beautiful in his simplicity. He gets mad, turns green, smashes things. When director Ang Lee signed on, many were hoping for an adult oriented comic book movie, but still a comic book movie. And we got this.

Watching this film is like watching paint dry, the Hulk doesn't even Hulk out until 45 minutes in, and then smashes... an empty building. The Hulk spends the rest of this movie running, fighting mutated poodles, and facing a hung over Nick Nolte.

The 2008 reboot helped restore the Hulk to his fun roots, but the 2003 version left such a bad taste in people's mouths that many refused to see a new Hulk movie. It goes to prove that you can get a talented director but that means nothing if that director doesn't understand or respect the source material. Fans wanted to see a movie where the Hulk smashes, not a movie where the Hulk dwells on the source of his repressed emotions and makes goo-goo eyes at Jennifer Connely (though who can blame him). Maybe one day we'll get a combination of the smash up fun of the newer one combined with the adult orientation of the Ang Lee version.



2. The Fantastic Four

The Fantastic Four started Marvel comics, they had family drama, sci-fi action, cool villains, and sweet powers. The first time they were given the movie treatment, it was a micro-budgeted film directed by Roger Corman that was so bad that Marvel blocked it from actually being released. Then we got the 2005 version.

The newer Fantastic Four film gives us two hours of the characters standing around and whining about their powers and then we get a far too short fight scene with a neutered Doctor Doom. The family dynamic is gone, Sue Storm and Reed Richards are practically cardboard cut outs while The Thing and Human Torch do their best to pick up the slack left by the other actors and script. The sequel was almost a step in the right direction but the main characters were overshadowed by the far cooler Silver Surfer.



1. Daredevil

Since the 80's, Daredevil has long been considered one of Marvel's best comics. Creators like Frank Millar, Kevin Smith, Brian Michael Bendis, and Ed Brubaker have all had a shot at the man without fear. Daredevil is a character who has been through it all and come out clean, he's dark, complex, and always fun to watch.

The problem with the movie is that it tried compressing all of his best storylines into one movie: his origin, rivalry with Bullseye and Kingpin, and romance and death of Elektra. Not only that, but all of the grittiness and complexity of Daredevil got lost in translation, we don't have a character who constantly walks the line between light and dark, but just a very angry Ben Affleck. The romance between him and Elektra is glanced over just to get to her death, and Kingpin and Bullseye are underdeveloped. Nothing about the movie seems original, instead it seems like a mash up of the Spider-Man and Batman movies when this movie should have been significantly darker than both. And don't get me started on the costume...

Avengers... Disassembled?

So everyone else has been giving in their two cents on this current issue, and you didn't expect me to sit this one out did you? Its one that affects us all on a deeply emotional level, whether you agree with how its being resolved or not. So here I am with my view on... Edward Norton not returning for the Avengers film.

Now the last Hulk movie is the very definition of a movie with mixed reviews; people either love it or hate (I personally loved it) but one thing we all can agree on: Ed Norton gave a great performance as Bruce Banner.

Ed Norton became one of my favorite actors after seeing American History X (as I'm sure is the case with most people) and he made Bruce Banner a very compelling, likable, and complex hero and many of us were excited to see him in an eventual Avengers movie alongside Robert Downey Jr. and whichever actors Marvel got to play the other heroes. But soon before the new Hulk film hit theaters word leaked of Ed Norton and Marvel's "creative disputes" over the film and speculation has been going ever since then over whether or not he would return for another film.

Today Marvel released the press statement that Norton would not be returning as Banner, and like many people I was disappointed, but not surprised.

In their press statement, Marvel tried to put in the nicest terms they could that Ed Norton was just a pain in the ass to work with and didnt wanna put up with him for another movie. Its a damn shame but its another case of Hollywood egos ruining a great opportunity. Its no secret that Norton wants almost total control on all of his films, which is all well and good but in the end, making a movie is a collaborative process, not a one man show. None of us will probably ever know the full story of what happened between Norton and Marvel (Norton says Marvel agreed to give him creative control on the project; Marvel said Norton just took control) but in the end, movie studios will only put up with actors shit for so long. It just happened recently with Thor, when Stuart Townsend, another talented actor, landed a supporting but was replaced before filming began because he constantly complained that he wanted a bigger role (consequently, Townsend was fired from the Lord of the Rings movies for the same reason and was replaced by Viggo Mortenson). Val Kilmer is another example, a great talented actor but most directors in Hollywood refuse to work with him because of his ego.

Now I'm not taking sides, like I said I'm disappointed to see Norton go as well. As I said before, he's one of my favorite actors and his performance as Banner more than made up for Eric Bana sleepwalking through the role in the previous Hulk film. But I can see why Marvel did what they did, and I'm sure the Avengers film will be just as good without him. The Avengers already has a very talented cast going for it with Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johanssen, Don Cheadle, and the recently announced Jeremy Runner as Hawkeye, and Joss Whedon behind the camera.

I am curious to see what will happen with the Hulk role though. Most of the information we have on The Avengers is just rumors, one rumor saying that Hulk will be a villain and be in Hulk form the whole time, another claiming that the role of Bruce Banner will be small and filled by an unknown, and another saying that a big name will be announced as Banner so that the Hulk movies will continue outside the Avengers. Personally, I hope the latter rumor is the case because I love the Hulk as a character and think he deserves one more solo go-round, but I guess we'll see.

All in all, I'm still very excited for The Avengers. A lot of people are saying that Joss Whedon isn't qualified for a project this big but I disagree. The man has overseen Buffy, Angel, Firefly, and Dollhouse, handling writing duties and even directing episodes. His only feature directing gig was Serenity, which is a personal favorite of mine and a regular on most "Best Science Fiction Movies of all time" lists. Serenity was very much a team movie, much like the Avengers it has a rag tag group of people banded together to face something bigger than themselves, the action scenes were well executed, the writing witty, and had a bad ass villain to boot!

So yes, I think The Avengers is still on the right track, Ed Norton will be missed but I'm sure when The Avengers hits in summer 2012 we won't notice amid all of the other awesomeness happening on the big screen.

http://www.superherohype.com/news/articles/103715-no-edward-norton-for-the-avengers

Predators Review

Finally... A good movie this summer as well as a good Predator sequel!

Other than Toy Story 3 (which I forgot to review, but don't worry, much like the rest of the world, except Russia, I loved it) no movies this summer have really impressed me. We've had a few passable films, but for the most part its been pretty lackluster. But these last few weeks have seen the summer movies on an upswing, with Predators being the latest in this trend.

Now I'm a huge fan of the original, it stands as one of my favorite Scwarzenegger movies, action movies, and sci-fi movies. The sequel, starring Danny Glover, was decent but lacked the charm of the first film, and the less said about the AVP films the better. So I was hopeful when I heard a sequel was being developed with multiple Predators as the villains and one of my favorite directors, Robert Rodriguez, producing. Some of the casting choices had me scratching my head ( Adrien Brody and Topher Grace) but I was still hopeful.

And it paid off big time, as this film delivered exactly what I was expecting: pure badass monster fighting fun!

Adrien Brody, always a solid actor, does his best Christian Bale impersonation as the loner mercenary dumped on this planet with several other bad asses. I was really impressed with how bad ass and compelling Brody was, and how he beefed up for the role. The man is no Arnold, but Rodriguez and director Nimrod Antel wisely chose to go the opposite way and not cast some muscle bound actor. Brody definitely proves that he can carry a big budget action movie and is likable in what could have been a very unsympathetic role. And of course he does get his Arnold moment in a mud covered show down with the Predator at the end.

Topher Grace gave probably the second most surprising performance in the film, portraying the clueless doctor thrown into the middle of all this. The twist about Grace's character is kind of obvious, and I think it came too late in the film, but once again he gave a convincing performance when that moment came.

Lawrence Fishbourne gives a creepy performance as a crazy man who has been surviving on the Predator planet for ten years, but that man seriously needs to lay off the cheeseburgers or something, his multiple chins and gut almost didn't make me buy that he had been surviving on this planet for years.

For the most part this film hits the ground running and never lets up. Its close to an hour before the Predators make their first appearance but we are never bored during this time. Whether its booby traps, Predator dogs, or just getting to know all of the multiple characters, we are with this film the whole time.

Much like the original film, the main power in this film comes from the characters. All of them are interesting in their own right and likable, which is quite a feat because each and every one of these characters could have strayed into cliche territory. Fun twists are put on the cliche "what I'm going to do when I get home" and the showing of a picture of your kids to your other comrades.

So Predators definitely lived up to my expectations, it was two hours of pure bad ass! Finally, here is a film that is not afraid to be violent and doesn't pander to the tween crowd! The dialogue is on the same level as the original, cheesy but fun, and the action is well executed. It will be interesting to see how other audiences react to it but for the most part this movie pushed all of my fan boy buttons and finally restores respect to the once sullied Predator name.

Make Love! The Edward Cullen Way!

To start things off, this is not an anti-Twilight post, so if you were expecting some hating, look elsewhere. Instead I chose to examine the main who is arguably the source of the Twilight craze: Edward Cullen. Now I know some you may say that Edward is a pussy and a douchebag, but when you look closer, you will see a man truly ahead of his time. Edward has a hundred years of experience behind him and knows all the moves to get his undead dick wet. So I chose to look at Edward's wooing methods and teach all you guys out there how to pick up all the little girls much like Edward ( a few of you ladies can pick up a trick or two as well). So sit back, pay attention, and learn Edward Cullen's tried and true techniques to woo a lady!

1. Let Her Know How Much She Means to You

Edward knows that the way to a woman's heart is through her self esteem, or lack thereof. Ed knows that if them bitches get too confident then-GASP- they may actually become independent! And we can't have that!

So Edward makes sure to keep his ladies in line, whether its holding your nose in disgust whenever you see your lady, demand to be in any class that she isn't in, informing her of her unusual smell, or telling how much she can't take care of herself without you. Use any method you can to make her feel insignificant so that when you do start laying on the compliments, they feel all the more special.

2. Know All the Popular Hang-Out Spots

Sure Edward is about a hundred years old and has all the education he needs seeing how he practically saw history unfold in front of him, but still many have asked why he still attends high school. Well, have you seen high school chicks these days? Edward knows exactly what he's doing.

With a hundred years of pimp experience and being perpetually stuck at age 17, Edward has a whole slew of tricks up his sleeve, and who's easier to woo than a naive girl just discovering her womanhood? Plus Edward knows as well as anyone that chicks love the older men.

3. Keep the Pimp Hand Strong

Edward comes from a far more simpler time, a time when merciless beat downs on small children was not only allowed, it was encouraged. So when everyone's favorite daisy duke wearing werewolf, Jacob tries to steal Edward's woman, Edward gets down to business.

Poor Jacob obviously doesn't know that being a "rebound" doesn't refer to basketball and actually thinks he has a chance with Edward's lady. Edward is none too amused at this and bitch slaps that hot pants wearing pansy all the way across the woods, sending our lovesick werewolf home with his tail between his legs.

4. When the Tough Gets Going... You Get Going!

So your adopted brother just vamped out and tried to kill your girlfriend. While most of us would normally have to sit through the "Your family hates me!" argument, Edward has a far more unique solution: Leave the bitch cold turkey.

Just like that Edward high tails it out of there and off to Italy (I hear those Mediterranean girls are nice this time of year) leaving his girl lost and without a clue. Hell, she goes as far as attempting suicide in order to catch Edward's attention and all she got were half-hearted attempts to stop her. By the time she was able to get a hold of him, she was so desperate and lovesick she totally forgot about that whole blood thirsty monster trying to kill her thing.

5. Make Her Want It

So your a bloodsucking, soulless killing machine, but you have Christian values to uphold! So you let that bitch know that you aren't just some booty call and make her promise no sex until marriage. Now while this may lead to some frustration on her part, by this point you'll have her so fucked up mentally that you really don't have to worry about her going to another man.

6. Who Needs Protection?

You're a newly wed, and you wanna ensure that your woman remains dependent on you for a long time after, so what do you do? You knock that bitch up!

Edward's undead man-seed is so potent that he hit a bulls eye first time around! So now you have your woman pregnant with the Daywalker, and just for insurance you make her a vampire too. So if years from now she realizes she made a mistake and wants to leave you, she can find that not only is she the mother of your child, but now one of the undead hordes with no hope of ever gaining a normal life again.

Well there ya go, six tried and true methods to make any woman yours! Sure they're demeaning and douchey, but the ladies always go for the jerks anyway. You could always try wearing daisy dukes like that Jacob fella...

Lost and Found

So its been a few days since my personal favorite television show, Lost, ended its six-year long run, and the internet has been on fire since that fateful day. The buzz has been mixed, drifting from loving how it ended to hating how it ended, and various theories ranging from what happened in the finale to what happened during the entire show. So I decided to toss my hat into the mix and offer my view on the show, and what may you ask makes my opinion any different than everyone else? Not a damn thing, but thats the beauty of the internet.

First off, this is spoiler filled so if you haven't seen the finale... what the fuck is wrong with you?

But basically, Jack sacrificed himself to save the island, perhaps the world, killed the Man in Black/Smoke Monster/Locke; Hurley is now the new guardian of the island with Ben serving as his second in command; and the rest of the Losties got away on a plane. The big reveal though was that the "flash sideways", long theorized to be an alternate island-less universe, was really a sort of afterlife, and this is the main point of debate among viewers.

Many people guessed that because it was revealed that they were all dead that it meant that the cast was really dead the whole time. I'm pretty sure this is a case of overzealous fans just jumping the gun as soon as they heard Jack's dad say "You're all dead" but if you listened to the dialogue in the scene you realize that the island stuff really did happen.

In the final scene at the church, Jack's dad tells Jack that he is indeed dead and so are everyone in the church. But Jack's dad also tells him that the time spent on the island was the most important part of his life and that all of the castaways needed each other then just as they need each other now in this purgatory (I'll just use purgatory for sake of argument). Jack's dad also says that some of them died before him, and some long after.

So, we can infer that yes, the island stuff was all reality. At various points throughout life, the castaways did die (as we all do) and met up in purgatory. Now purgatory is not exactly a bad place, but a place where you go to prepare yourself for heaven, the place where you let go of your unresolved issues in life and move on to paradise. And as we saw throughout this season in each castaways respective purgatories, they still had plenty of issues. Sayeed was still hung up on his lost love, Sawyer still wanted to find the con man responsible for his parent's downfall, and Jack still had daddy issues. As each castaway came together in this world they slowly remembered their life on the island and how they each had in some way conquered their demons. As they remembered and acknowledged their lives on our plane of existence, they were ready to move on. And much like Jack was the last one to embrace his destiny in life, so he was the last one to do so in death. But at last the castaways reunited and Jack's dad opened the church doors filling it with light, presumably the after life.

Now many people have also pointed out the shot during the credits of the plane wreckage as a clue that the castaways really were dead the entire time, and for a bit I thought it was a valid argument seeing how I couldn't really figure out the importance of this shot either. But I read a recent article that brought up a very good point about that shot. In short, if you look at it you can see signs of the survivors, foot prints, towels, etc. I think the shot was just thrown in to symbolize that our band of castaways were just the latest in a long line of unfortunate souls to come aross the island. From the slavers on The Black Rock to the crashed plane full of drugs to Oceanic Flight 815, people have been crashing on this island for a while. The characters in this show were not the first on the island and nor will they be the last and I think that final shot was just a reminder of that.

And as for this damn island, what the hell is it? People are complaining that we didn't get enough answers or that the answers were too vague. After the finale I thought about the show and what lead up to this point and I'm fairly certain there were answers in the show, they just didn't pop out in your face. If you watch the show the dots are there, you just gotta connect them. Needless to say I can't wait for the boxed set of the series because I'm going to be re-watching it beginning to end, and I'm sure things will be a lot clearer. Many details are still fuzzy but I've peaced together some clues and I'm sure I'll find more as I go.

First off, what is the island? We know that at its heart lies some light, a light that if extinguished will somehow end all we love. Some people have theorized that the light was the same light that the main characters became part of in the final moments of the show, that basically Jack gave his life to save heaven. Now I must admit that this is a sound theory but I'm not sold on it yet, and to be honest I'm not sure if I know what the light is yet. From what I can gather, the island and the light are the source of all life as we know it, and that this island has probably been around since the beginning of time and someone has been on it from that point to guard the light. The light is the source of the island's healing properties, Jacob and Richard's agelessness, and the electromagnetic energy that the Dharma Initiative wanted so badly.

We can also gather that whoever is the guardian of the light sets the "rules" of the island and everyone on the island must follow them. Thats why no one could leave the island and why the Man in Black and Jacob couldn't kill each other, among other rules.

Another lingering question is the others and the Dharma Initiative. Once again by listening to dialogue and watching closely, you can figure these out. Jacob said he was always bringing people to the island to show the man in black that people are capable of good, and I'm guessing the ones that he was pleased with he kept around as his crew, so to say. Jacob's priority was protecting the island and keeping the Man in Black from leaving, so he had to do whatever it took to do so. Then comes the Dharma Initiative, who for whatever reason has learned about the island and wants to exploit it, and Jacob sent his men to stop them, hence why Dharma was always referring to them as "hostiles". All throughout the show The Others referred to themselves as the good guys, and basically they were, though their methods were questionable (mass murder and kidnapping among them).

The lists of people The Others were sent to kidnap were obviously candidates for Jacob's position, though one thing I'm still working on is the kids. The Other's kidnapped the children first and revealed that pregnant women died on the island. I guessed that The Others wanted the kids as possible candidates as well but the pregnancy issue is one that still bothers me. I'm something will come along that will make it all click but for now this is one of many loose ends.

But ultimately, I'm glad Lost left plenty open. It was established that this island, whatever it is, is something far more important than the people on it and I like the air of mystery it gave it. I was really hoping that the series finale wouldn't go with a cheap way out and have some character pop up and explain everything (something I feared Jack's dad would do in the final moments) but thankfully they didn't and left it up to you to decide, which has been the fun of the show. For six years everyone's favorite conversation topics have been Lost theories, each person has their own idea of what the island is, and lets face it, no explanation would have lived up to what each of us had imagined it would be. The show runners made a smart and risky move by making the island what we want it to be, either the source of all life, the doorway to heaven, etc. Much like the past six years, each fan now has his or her own idea of what really transpired these past six years, and I think thats the charm and beauty of this show. We can keep obsessing, prodding, and poking, and people will for years to come. All of this fandom really just defies one of the central themes of the show, which is to just let go and move on. Much like our castaways in purgatory, we have to accept the island for what it is, acknowledge what we learned from it, and move on to bigger and better things.

http://screenrant.com/lost-finale-explanation-kofi-61464/

Dragonball Evolution Review

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WTF IS THIS SHIT? WHAT THE FUCK DOES EVOLUTION HAVE TO DO WITH THE PLOT OF THIS FUCKING MOVIE! SPEAKING OF WHICH WHAT THE HELL IS THE PLOT OF THIS DAMN MOVIE! WHY DO THEY NEED THE DRAGONBALLS? BOTH SIDES CLEARLY ACCOMPLISHED THEIR RESPECTIVE GOALS WITHOUT THEM? PICCOLO UNLEASHED HIS MONKEY FRIEND WITHOUT THE DRAGONBALLS AND GOKU DEFEATED HIM WITHOUT THE DRAGONBALLS SO WHY SEARCH FOR THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE? AND HOW DID PICCOLO ESCAPE FROM HIS PRISON? WE'RE TOLD THAT HE WAS LOCKED AWAY IN THE EARTH FROM THE VERY BEGINNING BUT WHEN WE NEXT SEE HIM HE'S ON SOME SPACE SHIP WITH SOME NAMELESS HOT CHICK! AND WHO IS HIS HOT SIDEKICK AND WHY DOES SHE SUCK SO MUCH? WHERE DOES THIS TAKE PLACE? JAPAN? AMERICA? THE FUTURE? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS? WHY DOES PICCOLO WAIT UNTIL NOW TO ATTACK? WHY IS GOKU A MONKEY THING? WHERE HAS THE MONKEY THING BEEN FOR 2000 YEARS AND WHY DOES IT BECOME GOKU? WHY IS IT THAT THE MOVE THAT IS SUPPOSEDLY SO HARD TO LEARN TAKES LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES TO LEARN? WHT DOES BULMA WANT TO CASH IN ON THE DRAGON BALLS WHEN SHE CREATED A CAR THAT CAN FOLD UP AND GO IN HER FUCKING POCKET! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

ERNIE HUDSON WHY ARE YOU IN THIS? YOU'RE TOO COOL FOR THIS MOVIE? DO YOU NEED A PAYCHECK THAT BADLY? WAIT ERNIE, DON'T GO! I NEED YOU! ERNIE, COME BACK! NOOOO! WHERE DID HE GO! WHY WAS HE IN IT FOR ONLY TEN SECONDS! DAMN YOU ERNIE HUDSON! WAS IT WORTH SELLING YOUR SOUL ERNIE! WAS IT WORTH IT? YOU COULDN'T WAIT JUST A LITTLE LONGER FOR GHOSTBUSTERS 3 COULD YOU?

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.

The Human Centipede Review

Well a friend of mine asked me if I could review this movie and though I was eager to do so, sadly this film wasn't screening anywhere in the Pittsburgh area so I figured I would have to wait for DVD for it. But thanks to the modern marvels of the internet (piracy) some friends and I were able to watch it last night.

Now when I first heard about this movie, I looked it up because I thought it was a monster movie and who doesn't love a good monster movie? Then as I read a review on it I found myself intrigued because the story sounded so disturbing. I also found myself wondering how someone could drag a story about three people sewn together ass to mouth to a full movie. So yeah, our curiosity and impatience got the better of us and we downloaded it and it was so... boring.

The film opens on stock female characters 1 and 2 as they are going on. Of course its on a dark and stormy night and their car breaks down. They first attempt to solicit help from an old perv who hits on them in the most hilarious manner I have ever seen ( "I have a horny video, would you girls like to watch it with me?") so then of course they make their way through the woods to a creepy house where inside they find a creepy doctor. Soon they find themselves drugged and strapped to beds in the basement with another guy whom the doctor soon kills because he isn't suitable for the doc's "experiments". Later the doctor returns with a replacement: the token Asian who's every line of dialogue is pure solid gold ("Japanese have great strength when backed into a corner!"). The doctor explains that he is going to sew these three people ass to mouth making some twisted form of triplet. Hilarity ensues.

So yeah, after reading this you would expect something very sick, twisted, and hard to watch. And so was I. I was really expecting to be majorly grossed out by this movie, and with a plot like the one it has, you really should. I had heard descriptions of the scene when the guy at the front of the centipede has to shit and it made me not want to watch it, in fact I lost my appetite (something that rarely happens). But then the centipede was created and the movie kinda peaked. The shit scene mentioned above is nowhere near as disgusting and repulsive as it should be, and the rest of the movie is more or less the doctor training the centipede to walk, which is really nothing interesting. There is some intensity towards the end, but when its all said and done it just feels like a run of the mill thriller.

I was really expecting something on the level of Audition, something disturbing that sticks with you long after its finished, but this movie is really nothing more than an exploitation movie depending on the novelty of the story to keep it going. The centipede is created about halfway through and you can tell the movie doesn't know what to do with itself until the climatic scene.

Another big obvious complaint is why the hell does the doctor want to do this anyway other than he is just bat-shit crazy! Its established that he was a very prestigious surgeon so what drove him to want to sew people together? I think this movie was depending on the "pure evil needs no motivation" excuse, but for something like this we need some background. No motivation works for a character like Michael Myers because that's what makes him scary, but not for a creepy German doctor.

And you can also probably tell just from my short synopsis, but this movie isn't very subtle either. From breaking down on the dark and stormy road to the mad scientist, this is about as in your face as it can get. Though the dude playing the scientist is appropriately creepy, his performance is still of the "mustache twirling" variety. I would surely never ask this man for help nor step into his house, but in the world of bad horror movies, people do. Also, the characters in this movie are that special kind of horror movie dumb. The whole time you're questioning why these girls are not running from this man and then later police show up at his place and you question why they aren't arresting him. Logic isn't at an all time high in this movie as well, but did you really expect it from a movie called The Human Centipede?

So yeah, I guess this was just a classic case of being over hyped. From all the reviews and buzz this movie was getting I was expecting something far more than just a run of the mill B-movie. Its sad too because this really could have been something far more seeing how the story had everything there for it. As I said before I lost my appetite just imagining what one scene could be like only to find it to be quite boring when I watched the movie. So if you're looking for a cheap thrill, Human Centipede is your movie, but it doesn't live up to the potential it could have had.

Halloween II Review

Well better late than never. This movie came out last August but frankly I had no interest in seeing it because I wrote it off as another shallow sequel, and if I wouldn't have gotten bored and Netflixed it then I still probably wouldn't have seen it. But after watching it not an hour ago I felt I had to share my opinion with the world (or all four or five people who read this blog).

At first I was totally against Rob Zombie's Halloween remake but after seeing it I had to respect it. Its far from the masterpiece that the original film is but Zombie made it clear that he never sought to surpass the original but instead do a different take on the character, which he did well. I gave it points because unlike other remakes it really tried to give us something new, and for the most part its pretty enjoyable. Much like he did with the first film, Zombie once again tries to give us something new with this sequel, and boy did he succeed.

I can see why purists hated this so much, mostly because the Michael Myers in this bare little to no resemblance to the Michael Myers we all know and love. Gone is the silent killer that patiently waits for his moment to kill you and then slink back into the shadows, instead Myers will simply stomped your head into jelly and then smash a strippers face into a mirror all the while grunting like an animal. The iconic mask is in this one but he spends more time mask-less and looking like a homicidal Santa Claus, hell Myers even talks! (one word but it was still quite a moment).

This film follows Laurie Strode after the events of the first film, now posing as an angry emo child to cover up the nightmares and delusions she's been having ever since the fateful attack two years prior. Meanwhile Doctor Loomis is cashing in on Myers, writing yet another book about him and letting the fame get to his head. And Michael is off doing whatever Michael does when he isn't killing people, but soon the ghost of his mother spurs him back into action. Hilarity ensues.

This sequel really should have been called Rob Zombies Halloween because as stated above he really just takes the character of Michael Myers and takes him into a whole new world. The killings in this are fast and brutal and like past Rob Zombie movies there is plenty of boobs, blood, and rednecks to go around. But despite the massive changes made to one of the true icons of horror... I kinda liked it.

Horror films have been one of the most popular genres since the beginning of film simply because they're fun, and I had fun during this movie. Zombie knows how to film brutality but not go over the top, never is the film hard to watch but you do cringe at some of the killings. Zombie also knows how to get you behind his characters, especially the self destructing Laurie, the slimy Dr. Loomis, and strangely sympathetic Michael.

Michael is probably the most fascinating part of this movie and the one character I wanted more of. The first film was very much Michael's story and Zombie tries to make this one Laurie's story, but she really isn't that interesting. We get early on that she's fucked up after the first film and her descent into madness is interesting but its really a peek into Michael's head we want. Now Michael does get plenty of moments in this but I wanted more but because I was really digging the fucked up abused child Michael Myers, but for the most part he kinda just follows his mother's ghost around. Doctor Loomis is another character completely different from the original films and while I did enjoy the fame seeking Loomis, his subplot is the least fascinating one and also has the least to do with the story.

So yeah, its not a perfect movie, in fact far from it. There's still the ever present horror movie cliches like the doomed couple having sex and the stock characters whose only purpose is to die. Laurie's descent into insanity needed some more developement, I bought it but at the same time it seemed rushed, and I think Malcolm McDowell's Doctor Loomis was just there to add credibility. But I respected it because in an age when remakes simply just take a classic and get hacks to redo it with little or no imagination, Rob Zombie tried to give us something new. I really didn't know what was going to happen next because this Michael Myers is so different, and I found that fun. The intensity is high in several scenes and I found myself caring for a lot of the characters, so I was invested.

So it wasn't ground breaking or anything and I can understand why purists hated it, but if you just look at it as a fresh look at a classic character than you gotta respect it. Zombie won't be winning any awards as a director anytime soon but you can tell he's improving with every film and I'm definitely curious to see what he has up his sleeve for the future.

Iron Man 2 Review

Well one of my most anticipated movies of the year has hit. After creating one of the best comic book movies of all time with the first Iron Man film, Marvel was faced with the daunting task of seeing if lightning could strike twice with this sequel and gathered an all star cast to rival that of the first film. I was there at midnight for this with my nerd flag flying high and much like the first film I had multiple nerdgasms over the course of this one, but something seemed a little off.

I'm not saying Iron Man 2 is bad, in fact far from it. I'm already dreading the fanboy backlash though seeing how nowadays if a superhero isn't amazing than it automatically "sucks". But in this case we still have a very well done film and I'm sure that when you compare it to other inferior superhero sequels like Transformers 2, Spider-Man 3, and X-Men: The Last Stand you will see that it is far beyond those movies, but sadly this film just couldn't recapture the charm of the first one.

I'm not sure what it was about the first film, maybe it was due to most of the film being improvised that gave it a frenzied, fun feel, or maybe the real world but comedic take on an already established character. Whatever your reasons, the first Iron Man was a surprise to fans and general audiences alike, and while this sequel comes close in parts, it sadly loses the charm that made the first one great.

The first flaw with Iron Man 2 is that it just seems like it runs way to long. I think it ran over two hours but it seemed longer, especially during the second act. Many scenes go on for far too long and we can tell that the writers got far too involved with the witty banter than actually advancing the story and many other scenes could have been cut entirely without hurting the film at all. The beginning and ending are both fairly solid but in the middle when all of the multiple subplots are in full swing is when we start to lose interest, thankfully the powerhouse performances keep us watching.

This sequel also suffers from another common problem: subplotitis, when the filmmakers decide to throw everything they can in the damn movie. I will hand it to Iron Man 2 because it managed to juggle the multiple storylines much better than other super-sequels (*ahem* Spider-Man 3) but once again, some trimming could have easily uncluttered the story. In one movie we have Tony Stark learning that he's dying of blood poisoning from the very thing keeping him alive, Nick Fury trying to recruit Stark for the Avengers, the government trying to get Stark to turn over the Iron Man suit, Whiplash wanting revenge on Stark, competitor to Stark Justin Hammer trying to make his own Iron Man suit, Rhodes becoming War Machine, and a love triangle between Stark, Pepper Potts, and The Black Widow. Whew.

While most of these subplots are weaved together well enough, the one about Stark dying really could have been cut out entirely seeing its a subject that really needs a whole movie to explore (not to mention that it is very abruptly resolved) and the Stark vs. The Government is a far more fascinating plot angle. Nick Fury's scenes are all fun but really just serve as a build up to an Avengers movie by setting up and hinting at possible plot elements and characters ( I was digging the Easter Eggs though, the nerd in me out did the film critic).

Much like the first movie, the acting in this is superb. Robert Downey Jr. once again shows the charm and sense of humor that made him a superstar with the first one, and manages to not get drowned out by the many characters running around this movie. Mickey Rourke gives possibly the second best performance in this with what really was a two dimensional villain role. Rourke takes badass to a new level with Whiplash and gets the film's best scene when he tries to kill Stark on a race track, and he also nails the Russian accent too (a friend of mine actually remarked that he forgot Rourke was really American). My future wife Scarlett Johanssen is possibly the most badass woman alive after being in this movie and she also gets one of the best action sequences in it as well, badass enough for me to forgive her not having a Russian accent. Sam Rockwell was a scene stealer as always and Don Cheadle brought more cred to the role of War Machine that Terence Howard ever could.

So yeah, it doesn't quite reach the levels that the first film did, but Iron Man 2 is by no means a bad movie. Its really just an entertaining popcorn flick at heart, but with a little editing could have been much more. I still enjoyed the quips, the action, and the geek moments (the after credit scene made me have to change pants) but it just seems like a continuation of the first film instead of something fresh and new. While it doesn't reach Dark Knight levels of awesome, it hits far above Spider-Man 3 and other inferior sequels.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Review

Well yet again Michael Bay has gotten his hands on a beloved, classic, and iconic horror franchise and has decided to remake it for today's generation, and the final verdict is...

Eh.

To start off I wanna say how big of a fan I am of the original, Wes Craven created a killer with one of the most unique gimmicks in horror movie history and created one of the best villains of all time in the form of Freddy Krueger. Sadly, like most horror franchises sub-par sequels turned Freddy into a one note boogy man, a wise cracking bad guy that went from brutally stalking and slashing his prey to locking them inside a video game to kill them. So when it was announced that the Freddy in the remake would go back to his roots I became very optimistic. But I always said it wall hinged on who they cast as Freddy and getting former Rorschach Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy was damn near perfect casting.

Sadly perfect casting can only go so far.

Much like Bay's previous remakes, this Nightmare was just too damn cookie cutter. None of the scares were really all that scary or original and for the most part the film relied on violence and jump scares to get the feel across. The film does a good job of keeping Freddy in the shadows and making him a villain we hate and fear, but Freddy is the only thing about the film done well.

As I stated in a previous blog, one of Wes Craven's strengths as a writer/director was that he got you behind his main characters, you liked his heroes and hated his villains. In this one none of th e characters are really all that interesting or likable. We Chris, who is upset that her boyfriend is having nightmares and ignoring her, then we have Chris' ex-boyfriend who is upset that Chris isn't with him, then we Nancy and the emo kid who as crush on her, who are both upset because.... they're emo?

But yeah, all of the characters are really flat and just kinda mope through the movie. And as for the acting, well its like the rest of the movie: eh. I don't know who the actress was that played Nancy and I won't make an effort to because I really didn't care for her at all. Nancy just looks bored the entire movie; even when she meets Freddy for the first time she looks bored to death! I would be a little concerned if a scarred man with claws came after me but oh well.

Jackie Earle Haley dominates in this movie as always, he keeps Freddy's sardonic humor but injects it with much more menace. He also shines in the flashback sequences and really gets you to feel for the guy and think that maybe Freddy was innocent after all ( a major mystery of the film). Haley definitely worked overtime to make up for the rest of the lackluster cast (except for a underused Clancy Brown) but sadly one extremely talented actor can't make up for a film full of sleep walkers.

But yeah Elm Street isn't as terrible as people have been making it out to be,but it isn't good. Sadly most modern horror films seem to be like this, all style and no substance. As far as remakes go, Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre were fun in a fast food kind of way, but it seems like they didn't even try with this one, which is sad because this could have been something truly special. I would hope that after this Hollywood would leave the remake craze alone but since it made money in its first weekend I seriously doubt it.

Kick-Ass Review

Every instinct in me is screaming for me to write "Kick-Ass kicks ass!" but I refuse to give into the already overused phrase. So anywho heres... oh what the hell...

KICK-ASS KICKS ASS!

To start off I have yet to read the mini series. I meant to pick it up once it had all been collected in graphic novel form but due to the series being massively delayed it was only collected in a trade paperback a short while ago and I have yet to pick it up. Yes I feel like a poor nerd; if a comic movie that I'm interested in is coming out and if I haven't read the comic I usually run out and read up on it. Sadly real life has made that difficult lately, but oh well.

Kick-Ass tells the story of Dave, an everyman comic nerd who decides to become a superhero despite no motivation, training, or powers, and of course he gets his ass kicked. The story for the most part is a real life look at what being a superhero is like, complete with Youtube vids and Myspace. Its a great satire on the internet age, hero worship, and comic book culture in general. At one point all of us nerds have read a comic and fantasized about becoming the heroic characters we read about but at some point we acknowledge it can never happen. This movie looks at what would happen if someone refused to come back to reality, and then gives us the real life effects of it.

On his first attempt at being a hero, Dave ends up in the hospital but wins the affection of the girl of his dreams, just not in the way he hoped. Later on he succeeds in barely fighting off some muggers but becomes a Youtube sensation. But in the end, we see the effects this has on Dave mentally and emotionally and realize that maybe being a normal guy isn't all that bad.

But the movie isn't all about the message, as we are also subjected to some extremely fun (and violent) action scenes. The character of Hit-Girl by far gets the best action scenes, including an amazing raid on the bad guy's lair at the end (though Big Daddy gets a sweet fight scene earlier). Director Matthew Vaughn doesn't shy away from the blood and guts, doing a great job of getting us to cheer when the bad guys are taken out and cringe when the good guys are hurt, especially in an extremely intense scene involving a hostage Kick-Ass and Big Daddy.

Before I get into the acting I have to focus on one actor in particular: Nicholas Cage. I have been really hard on him in the past, and with good reason. The man has put out some real stinkers and given some shitty performances to boot, but Kick-Ass gave him the perfect role for his goofy acting. As Big Daddy, masked vigilante and father of Hit-Girl, Cage gives one of the film's two scene stealing performances. He manages to be tender and loving, yet bad ass. He also does a great homage to Adam West's Batman when he suits up in full Big Daddy gear. Hopefully this movie will turn things around for Cage, but it proved to me that when he tries he can indeed pull out a good performance in a good movie.

Chloe Moretz as Hit-Girl gives the films other great performance. She has to be the most bad-ass eleven year old ever and has great chemistry with on-screen dad Nicholas Cage. I personally say forget Kick-Ass and give Hit-Girl her own movie.

Which brings me to the film's key flaw: The secondary characters far outshine the lead. Kick-Ass is a great character and all and newcomer Aaron Johnson gives an amazing performance, but as soon as Big Daddy and Hit-Girl show up they immediately steal the movie with their backstory and performances. Hit-Girl basically takes center stage in the third act and you mostly forget about Kick-Ass. Kick-Ass does make a great come back complete with jet pack, another thing I didn't dig about the movie (it just didn't fit in the gritty world created in the film).

But overall Kick-Ass was an extremely fun ride at the movies. It doesn't take itself too seriously and recognizes itself as basically a superhero exploitation film. I am really digging Matthew Vaughn as a director, who did an amazing job with Stardust, one of the best fantasies in the past several years, and now with Kick-Ass. I also give props to the guy because when all the major studios refused to fund this movie he just went out and financed it independently. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what else he has in store for the future.

Ten Great Comic Book Villains Ruined by Hollywood

With Iron Man 2 almost upon us, I decided to take a look at comic book movies (again), mainly the villains. As much as we like the heroes, we love to watch a good villain. Whether its The Joker smashing a man's head onto a pencil or Magneto tearing the iron out of a man's blood, villains are just fun to watch. But not all villains got the awesome movie treatment and sadly some of the best bad guys in comics have been reduced to punch lines thanks to mishandling by Hollywood. I'll have another list up after this documenting the best heroes ruined by Hollywood, but all in good time.

10. Dracula in Blade: Trinity

During the 1970's horror comic craze, Blade rose to popularity as a back up story in Marvel's popular Tomb of Dracula series. In the third film in the Blade series, Dracula serves as no more than a plot device. The once feared lord of the vampires, the man who started it all, is reduced to a one note douche bag who talks about honor but yet kidnaps a baby to keep Blade from staking his ass. Prison Break's Dominic Purcell doesn't even try with this role, but every actor in this movie seems equally dead on their feet with the exception of wrestler Triple H and Ryan Reynolds.




9. Two-Face in Batman Forever

In the comics, Two-Face is one of Batman's most tragic and complex foes. Once a friend of both Batman and Bruce Wayne, Harvey Dent is forever torn between his light and dark side. He has been an alley and enemy on equal occasions and even been cured a few times. In the movie Batman Forever, Two-Face is turned into a one note henchman for The Riddler. Pursuing the Batman and hell bent on revenge, Two-Face shows none of the pathos given to him in the comics or even the popular animated series. At one point there is a scene where Two-Face repeatedly flips his coin hoping to get the scarred side just so he can shoot Bruce Wayne. The Dark Knight did the character well, portraying his tragic nature and sympathetic side, but I was sad to see they killed him off instead of leaving him around for another sequel. Hopefully one day Hollywood will realize the potential this character has.



8. Elektra in DareDevil and Elektra

Yes, she basically is an anti-hero in these movies but she can be a pain in the ass in the comics when she wants. One of the most compelling and tragic romances in comics is just made... boring and silly. In what should have been one of the most complex female comic characters, Elektra is instead made into run of the mill love interest. Her appearance in the DD movie generated enough buzz for her to get her own movie, which I can't remember a damn thing from. Not a good sign...



7. Catwoman in Catwoman

Once again, a character who is great as a villain made into a lame anti-hero. And why is it that Hollywood can't seem to get female comic characters right? Tim Burton's treatment of Catwoman in Batman Returns was pure genius, making a compelling villain and love interest. Catwoman's solo movie is a spin off in name only and has nothing to do with Batman or the DC Comics character. Basically the movie is The Crow with boobs. Also, I have not seen the movie. Now before you go ahead and say that I shouldn't judge it without seeing it, just read the official synopsis below and you'll understand why I cannot justify spending my time or money on this movie:

"Patience Philips is a shy, reserved young woman who wants to be an artist but instead is a designer for an advertising company. She is mousy and lacking in self-esteem even when she gets her big break to work on the launch of a major beauty product for her mean-spirited, ruthless boss. But a series of events initiated by a mysterious cat results in her discovering a terrifying secret that leads to her murder. That same cat breathes new life into her, creating a strong, brave woman within her that wrestles with her previous self for control of her mind and body--a body that can now do amazing things."



6. Mr. Freeze in Batman and Robin

When he first appeared in Batman comics, Mr. Freeze was a one note mad scientist villain with a twist on the standard death ray. Then the animated series came along and reinvented him as a tragic figure and he quickly became one of Batman's most captivating and popular villains (the episode featuring him actually won the show an Emmy). Then Batman and Robin hit and took it all back to square one. Arnold Scwarzenegger's Mr.Freeze does everything a bad villain should with the exception of twirl his mustache. He monologues, vows world domination, makes bad puns, and has an evil hockey team working for him. He even finds time to have them sing along to children's Christmas specials along the way. If any Bat-villain deserves another shot, its Freeze; sadly a ray gun villain has no business in Nolan's Bat-universe.



5.Phoenix in X-Men: The Last Stand

The Phoenix Saga is one of the most popular in X-Men comics. Jean Grey is taken over by an evil alien entity and messes up a bunch of stuff before dying. Her death is one of the most touching in comics history and for a time had us actually care about Cyclops (a feat in itself). The third X-Men movie has Phoenix kill Cyclops in the first fifteen minutes, then Professor Xavier, then do nothing, then dies. The epic storyline we all wanted to see in movie form was reduced to a subplot/henchwoman for Magneto.The Phoenix force is never really seen, the trademark fire is replaced with black eyes (which makes the final image of X2 basically worthless) and another great comic book romance glanced over.



4. Galactus in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Galactus should be one of the most feared villains in the Marvel Universe, a being so powerful that it has to consume planets to live. Leading up to this, fan boys were all curious to see how Hollywood would portray him, fairly certain that he would not be a big guy in a purple helmet. Well he wasn't, the big reveal was that Galactus was...

A giant cloud?

Yep, A giant cloud headed toward Earth. Hints are thrown that inside the cloud is the Galactus we all know and love (a silhouette and shadow of the classic helmet are seen) but his appearance isn't even the beginning of it. The Galactus storyline was epic for its time but in the movie just fizzles. The cloud reaches Earth and is promptly blown up by the Silver Surfer.We don't fear it, there is no epic confrontation, and little background. A legendary storyline turned into a mildly entertaining flick.



3. Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Deadpool was a part Ryan Reynolds was born to play. A smart ass, bad-ass, and all around awesome guy, it was a match made in casting heaven. For the first part of the film Deadpool seemed spot on, sure he didn't have the mask or the scarred face but I let that slide since this was only a cameo leading up to Deadpool getting his own film. Then the second half of the film just went and said " You know that character you all love? Well, we can do him better"

They take away his mouth (making his nickname, the merc with the mouth, pointless) and give him the power of every mutant. An interesting idea but not one to be tested on one of Marvel's most popular characters. Marvel claims a solo Deadpool movie is in the works which ignores the continuity created in Wolverine but the damage is done. And a cheap after credit sequence showing that he is still alive and has his mouth back does not make it better.



2. Venom in Spider-Man 3

Yes Venom had no business being in this movie in the first place. He doesn't fit in with the story and feels tacked on for the fans, which he was. And I have to give credit where credit is due to the studio that forced Sam Raimi to put Venom in because when I went to the midnight premiere of this movie I lost count of all the Venom t-shirts among the movie goers (I was one of them). But Venom is a character that deserves center stage in his own movie and not as a villain brought in for the third act. Sam Raimi's lack of interest in the character is apparent throughout the whole movie, but it was almost like he purposefully destroyed him out of spite. Instead of a beefy, broken down man we are treated to a skinny, nerdy, love sick Eddie Brock who gives a tear filled prayer to God to kill Peter Parker (I'm sure God got right on that). When Venom finally shows up he does indeed look the part but when he speaks with Topher Grace's voice it just destroys his entire image. Also, why does a blood thirsty alien symbiote have the sudden urge to jazz dance?



1. Doctor Doom in Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

As a supervillain, Dr. Doom has always been a step above the rest because the man rules his own damn country! He has mastered the mystic arts and has even taken over the planet only to relinquish it out of boredom! He is easily the top villain in the Marvel Universe and one would expect that Hollywood would get this one right.

Wrong.

Alan Rickman was born to play this part, or at least an actor with some presence, and who do they get? The guy from Nip/Tuck. Julian McMahon is far from imposing as the arch enemy of the Fantastic Four, and his silky smooth voice emitting from under Doom's mask is just silly. Instead of a bad-ass monarch we get a money hungry CEO trying to take back his company (The Green Goblin called, he wants his motivation back). Doom does get a pretty cool fight with the thing at the end of the movie but is quickly defeated by the combined power of the Fantastic Four. The sequel vowed to get it right but Doom once again doesn't don his trademark armor until the end (a little bit cooler this time around) and then flies around on a silver surfboard (just as hilarious as it sounds) and is then knocked into the ocean. The movie Doom is never bad-ass, threatening, or as calculating as the comic Doom and really just seems like a pussy.

Sam Jackson's Best Moments

Recently a favorite website of mine posted up a video documenting Christopher Walken's most awkward moments of all time. After viewing it the wheels started turning in my head as to the favorite moments of some of my favorite actors.

Naturally, my thoughts turned to the best of the best. The Baron of Bad ass. The Man.

Sam Jackson.

Much like Christopher Walken, there really isn't an actor quite like Sam Jackson. He's loud, funny, bad ass, nerdy, and seemingly pops up in everything. His name is synonymous with the phrase "Mother Fucker" and many other unforgettable lines of dialogue. What are those lines? Well, I can't spoil the ending.

So without further delay, here are my ten favorite Sam Jackson moments.

10. Nick Fury

Nerds all over the world creamed their pants when rumors ran wild that Sam Jackson would be have a cameo in Iron Man as none other than the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D, Nick Fury himself. Then rumors ran again that Sam had been cut from the film and the dreams of nerds world wide were crushed.

But thankfully after the credits this small little gem came up, teasing us with what was to come for Iron Man and Marvel films in general.



9. "This party's over!"

The good things in the Star Wars prequels are few and far between, but Sam was definitely one of them. After being kept on the sidelines during the first film, Mace Windu finally gets his chance to shine at the end of Episode II. Not only is Sam the only person that could make a purple lightsaber look cool, but he also makes short work of the galaxy's most feared bounty hunter. After bossing around Count Dooku, Mace gets into a short fight with Jango Fett which ends with Mace cold heartedly beheading him! Mace is one Jedi you do not mess with



8. Shaft

If there was one role Sam was born to play, it was John Shaft. Though the film was pretty forgettable, Sam did his best to show why he is who he is. Many moments of badassery (I just created a word) were abound, including Shaft using a police badge as a ninja star! The scene below is just one small example of what awaits you when you sit down to watch Shaft



7."Inglewood Jack! Inglewood Jack!"

I don't know where the idea to have Jules Winfield from Pulp Fiction coach a youth hockey Red Wings team, but I don't care! This skit is a classic and probably more quotable than most SNL skits. Sam Jackson shows he doesn't mind spoofing the foul mouthed image he has created for himself, and hilarity ensues!



6. The Spirit

Without Sam Jackson, Frank Miller's The Spirit probably would have been much, much worse(and that's saying something). Sam plays The Octopus, a villain who claims to have "eight of everything"(?) and employs various hot chicks/retarded clones to take out his arch nemesis, The Spirit. Whether its goofy disguises like a samurai or a Nazi, ranting about his love of eggs, or just plain being himself, Sam is truly unique in this. Yes he is over the top but he had to do something to out do every other actor sleepwalking through the film. Here is just one small sample of Sam's love of eggs in The Spirit



5. "They ate me! A fucking shark ate me!"

One of the most sudden deaths in cinema history. After being subdued for most of the underwater horror film The Deep Blue Sea it seems like Sam's inner badass finally comes out! Alas it was too little too late because, well, take a look...



4. The Long Kiss Goodnight

Basically The Bourne Identity with boobs, The Long Kiss Goodnight contains too many classic Sam moments to count. Whether its telling someone that "When you make an assumption, it makes an ass out of you and umption!" or "You will go to prison, where you will be ass raped on a daily basis. And if you don't go to prison due to the violent nature of this arrest, I will hire people to ass rape you for my own personal satisfaction!" Sadly Sam spends most of the film as a sidekick to Gena Davis' super agent with amnesia, but he does have many good moments. The clip below illustrates the movie's awesomeness in just a few short seconds...



3. Sam's opinion of the death penalty

A Time to Kill is a legal thriller based on the John Grisham novel of the same name. Sam plays a man who murders the men who raped and beat his daughter; Matthew McConaughey is the hot shot lawyer defending him. Hilarity ensues.

The following scene is what happens when the mustache twirling evil lawyer played by Kevin Spacey gets his chance to cross examine Sam.



2. Sam's animal control

I really can't say much about Snakes on a Plane other than it spawned one of the best Sam moments of all time. Originally this line was not in the film but the fan outcry for it was so loud that the filmmakers went back and re-shot the film, adding in the now legendary line of dialogue. I'm pretty sure no one would know about this movie if not for this little gem...



1. Pulp Fiction

This film changed cinema in many way. Not only did it resurrect John Travolta's career, establish Quentin Tarantino as a major director, but it also made Sam Jackson the man we all know and love today. Many classic moments and lines are in this film, hell Jules Winfield steals any scene he's in and earned Sam an Oscar nomination! But when looking for Sam's best moment in Pulp Fiction, I had to go back to the classic moment at the beginning that started made movie watchers from all over bust out their bibles again...

Clash of the Titans Review

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!

Okay, so now that I got that out of my system, lets move on to the review.

So "Clash of the Titans" is a remake of 1980's stop motion heavy film of the same name. It was tacky and cheesy as hell, but still extremely fun to watch. The remake has been in development for some time and even at one time had legendary screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan (Raiders of the Lost Arc, The Empire Strikes Back) take a crack at. I'm not sure how much of Kasdan's screenplay was present in the final product but something tells me not much.

The film focuses on Perseus, rape baby of Zeus, the king of the Gods. Apparently the Gods feed of the love and prayers of man but as of late the Gods have grown lazy so man has been attempting to rebel against the Gods. Zeus turns to his brother Hades to scare some wrath of God into mankind, and Perseus' family is killed in the crossfire. So Perseus undergoes a revenge vendetta against the Gods alongside a few buddies.

The plot plays fast and loose with the legend of Perseus as well as the plot of the original film. I enjoyed the changes made though, seeing how in the original film the main plot is made apparent about half way through. The plot is simple and strangely complex: Hades demands the sacrifice of the princess Andromeda or he will RELEASE THE KRAKEN on the city of Argos, so Perseus undergoes a quest to find a way to destroy the Kraken, and all the while Hades is really scheming to take over Mount Olympus for himself.

This plot moves the film along at an extremely fast pace, and hence my first problem with the movie: its just too rushed. The film is just over an hour and a half and barely gives us time to breath or get to know the countless characters that pop up over the course of the film with the exception of one or two lines of exposition. The film basically just jumps from one major action scene to the next and squeezes in some story in there just to keep our attention. For the most part the action scenes are well executed though they suffer from the "shaky cam effect" where alot of the time you cant see what the hell is going on and who is fighting who (or what). The best action scene is by far the scene when Hades RELEASES THE KRAKEN on Argos. There's a chase through the city with Perseus on Pegasus and Hades' winged bat things, all the while the Kraken is wrecking shop.

Another thing that gets lost amid the action scenes is character. Perseus is never really explored other than being a pissed off ex-fisherman.The focus of the film seems to be Perseus struggling with his demi-God status, but he never really changes his stance on it. When we meet him he refuses to live as a God, and at the end he is still the same, except slightly less pissed off. As said before, many side characters are glanced over, especially ex-Bond girl Gemma Atherton as Io, a character that I guess was meant to be a love interest but for the most part all she does is explain story points and at the end we still don't know anything about her.

But for the most part, great acting makes up for the lack of character development. Sam Worthington, fresh off of stealing "Terminator Salvation" and a solid performance in "Avatar", proves he can indeed carry a movie on his own. The always amazing Liam Neeson was born to play Zeus, and as always brings class to the role. Our generation's greatest "bad guy" actor Ralph Fiennes gives the film's best performance as Hades, being both creepy and somewhat pathetic. "Casino Royale" baddie (was this whole movie just a James Bond reunion?) Mads Mikkelson gives a surprisingly badass performance as the captain of the guard/somewhat mentor to Perseus. I was sorry to see that Danny Huston got mostly cut out of the film with the exception of few lines as Poseidon.

All in all, this was a fun action film. The set design, make up, and special effects are all jaw dropping. As said earlier the action scene with the Kraken was amazing. The acting was top notch for the most part and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what else is in store Sam Worthington. If the film would have slowed down for a bit I definately would have enjoyed it more, but overall it was a good ten bucks spent.